excruciating

The process of dying is hard. There is no getting around it: choosing everyday to kill my selfish desires, self-seeking ambitions, and religious heart is an excruciating process…..excruciating. This word, excruciating is the exact word that should be said of our journey to self denial.

ex · cru · ci · at · ing

Excruciating literally means “from cross”. The first use of this word was thought to be used for the first time somewhere between 1560-1650. The exact date is not 100% known. But it is universally accepted by theologians that this word, excruciating, was made to reference the pain that Jesus endured on the cross. Some will argue that this is false because many people died by means of crucifixion before and after Jesus. I’ll give the skeptics that one….many people have died by means of a cross in history. Yet no stories recorded in history give an account of a man claiming to be a savior, beaten to near fatality, and forced to carry his cross that would kill him on a hill called Calvary. Not only that, but the same man who thousands have given account to hundreds of miracles witnessed by their own eyes. And finally a man who would appear to several people after his own death. Hmmm….I think this man deserves this word. I can confidently say that there has never been anyone who has experienced physical pain to what Jesus did. Not only the physical pain, but also being God, He carried the weight of the sin of the entire universe on his back. Yet He still endured…..willingly and with joy.

Excruciating is reserved for the one who endures the cross.

Still today we are to live in constant remembrance of what Jesus willingly endured on the cross.

Today as I read “A Call to Die”, by David Nasser, I was challenged to consider the “hard words” of Jesus Christ. Although it was hard to swallow, I loved when Nasser said:

”Jesus didn’t come to entertain us. Jesus’ ultimate goal in coming was to bring glory to the Father. Yes, in that lies the good news of our salvation through his death and resurrection, and the opportunity to be worshippers of him”

Soak that up. Does that make your heart race like it does mine? What joy is in that!! The death of Christ not only brings about the assurance of eternal life spent worshipping him later, it opens the amazing privilege to worship him NOW. Salvation was never meant to be used only after we die. Salvation means that today there is freedom by the blood of Christ to worship him with our lives. Our life is the very thing that is used to worship the eternal God. Is it any wonder, now that the mission of Christ is revealed to us, that the first way God ask us to worship (follow) him is through losing our lives…..denying ourselves.

Matthew 16:24-26

Then Jesus told his disciples, if anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

Matthew 10:39

Mark 8:34-37

Luke 9:23-25

Luke 17:33

John 12:23-26

It’s interesting…all 4 gospels record this same call to worship that Jesus gave. They all say it a little different, but the purpose remains the same. If we are going to really worship Jesus with our lives we must first lose the life we know, join in the “excruciating” pain, and give all glory and honor to the only one that is worthy of it.

If you are like me it’s quite overwhelming to even begin to walk the harsh, demanding road each day to die. But we cannot truly begin to live the fullness of the grace of God each day unless we cease to exist. While meditating on this truth today, I heard the Holy Spirit say to me, “Am I worth it?” Of course I immediately said, “Yes Lord. You’re more than worth it.” But then as my answer sunk in to my heart, I remembered that every day I forget the worth of Christ. In this moment of complete humility I recalled one of the most amazing quotes I’ve ever heard anyone say in worship. I leave you tonight with the words spoken by worship leader and one of the strongest men of God I’ve ever known, Klaus Kuehn:

“If you’re still measuring out your offering to the Lord, you haven’t seen His worth.”

The next 40 days - A Call to Die

Last week I received a call from a my close friend of many years, Brandon Mitchell. He and I have traveled together for years doing ministry. Some of the truly life-changing and heart-altering moments in my life have Brandon somewhere in the middle of the story. God has used him in my life in more ways than I can count and for that I will always value the real friendship that we have. Any who, he called me last weekend and asked me if I wanted to take part in a 40 day fast and study using the book by David Nasser: "A Call to Die". I immediately jumped at the opportunity and so here I am today.

Today was the first day of the book and already I'm being stirred in my heart by God to understand what denying myself, taking up my, cross and dieing on it daily even means. That's one heavy call by Jesus to grasp. Nasser defines denying ourselves as: saying "No!" to selfishness.

self⋅ish⋅ness

–adjective

1.	devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

2.	characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.

No matter how you look at this.....it's bad.

Selfishness, by definition, in our lives cannot equal God's heart.

Just as I have been challenged today, I challenge you....

What areas in our lives are consumed by selfishness? Until I am honest about what I am selfish about in my life I cannot move forward in any understanding of denying myself. I entreat us all......on the journey to deny ONESELF we cannot DENY how selfish we are.

My Life. Your Life.

I’ve been fascinated about life lately. Mine. Yours. Everyone I pass by throughout my week. We all live….all of us have lives. Right? I know I sound ridiculous to say we have lives because that would be the biggest “Duh” statement of the week. Yet, I’m still confused…

I’ve had weeks in my life that I can’t remember a single thing that happened. There are parts of my life that I have no stories to tell; no memories to bask in; no recollection of at all. These are the forgotten days. I know I lived those days I can’t remember. They were real days. Just as real as the ones I can remember. Why?

There have been days where I could tell you what happened as if I was reading to you from the book called Jonathan’s Life. These days are usually coined as the good times. These are the days I like to talk about. Every detail could be described: what clothes I was wearing, what I was doing, what it smelled like, who was there and what emotions I was feeling at the time. Again, these days I remember are just as real as the days I can’t. Why?

Then, of course, there are the days we wish we could forget. The days we wish never happened. These days are known to us as the hard times. These days are similar to the remembered days except these days are more consumed with anxiety and regret. We don’t like to talk about these times. These days we wish could fit in the category of forgotten. Why?

What makes a moment in our lives worth not only remembering, but desired to be shared to those around us? How do we define what is worthy of our remembrance?

If I would have asked myself these questions just a few months ago I my answers would be dramatically different then they are today. I only desire to share these thoughts with you not to tell you what to do, but only in the hopes that through my experience, you would experience a stirring in your heart that is only experienced through Jesus Christ…Our Savior…Our God.

Because I’m not the wisest or most knowledgeable man in this world, my thoughts are given to you through the bible. I am convinced more and more everyday that the truth we long to hear and know is only a verse away from our lips. It just takes a little desire to seek it out...a desire for the truth to be known. So let’s read…

Philippians 4:4-13

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

What makes a moment in our lives worth not only remembering, but desired to be shared to those around us? How do we define what is worthy of our remembrance?

The answer: all of them. Now of course I’m in no way telling you to think of things that will cause you to sin. Neither should there be ANY condemnation that rules your heart and mind. For we know there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

The reason we should think about all the moments and all the memories of our lives is to show those around us and to ourselves the restoring grace of God through Jesus Christ.

For the good times in our lives there the grace of God is found. The hard times there is grace flowing for you and for me; Even in the overwhelming thought that there’s grace for us poured out on the forgotten moments; the days that can never be remembered…grace is at hand.

We’re challenged by the writer of Philippians in chapter 4 to change our thought process, our whole perspective we have of our lives. Anything and everything in our lives should be followed with rejoicing God by grace gifted us through the abounding mercy and joy of Jesus Christ.

Too long have we allowed the bad moments in our lives, the memories that have filled us with so much fear and anxiety, determine our perspective of our lives. We also cannot let the good times we’ve had become the focus of our relationship with Christ. Jesus did not come to bless you he came to save you from yourself. When the blessings become more important than the one who blesses we will find ourselves in the moments we wished we could forget.

I know I have been challenged to rejoice in God with the sustaining joy He gives in not only the really good, but the really bad. He is the same God when we find ourselves backed in the corner. He is the same God that we thank when our money issues aren’t really an issue anymore. I have been guilty of worshipping him when I feel He’s listening and ignoring Him when I know I’m in the wrong. Or maybe I’ve done everything I could do right and life never seems to get easier. What I’ve learned is life will be life no matter how I feel. You can’t take challenging times out of life. Otherwise, what exactly did Jesus die for?

My prayer for you and me as we read this together is that we see that for a long time now our perspective has been broken; it’s outdated; it doesn’t even get us through day-to-day life. I think that’s why we find ourselves so many times shaken so quickly by the minor and major things that happen daily. If you find yourself in your day, just as I do, to be perfectly content one moment and the next the world has changed forever, I encourage you to read Philippians 4. Talk to God; Get alone and ask him to give you His perspective; to see through the His eyes.

I hope you can join with me and see that we should thank God, no matter how bad or good our situation, for being merciful enough to rescue us. Realize that freedom is a real thing. Freedom is attainable today; it’s only through Jesus. You won’t find anything close to the grace of God anywhere else; no matter how hard you try.

So now we both find ourselves in a brand new moment; it’s happening right now. How will we remember this moment? Forgotten, despised, or embraced? The moment is ours. Let’s stand up and choose.

What do you want?

I want it.

You want it.

We all want it.

It’s that thing in you that your heart longs to feel.

It’s what keeps you up at night because the very thought of it scares and excites you all at the same time.

It’s a desire to be somebody worth knowing, worth trusting….or is it just the groaning to know worth at all?

You find it when you realize that everything you want you can’t have….and what you have no longer satisfies you.

You wake up in the morning and it’s all you think about…yet sleep makes you forget.

You cry about it.

You laugh about it.

You debate with yourself if it’s even real.

You feel the closest to having it when you’re looking at a majestic mountain or an endless ocean.

When the wind blows through the trees and for a moment you pause to listen…you hear it.

You would embrace it….but it would change you

It’s what you neglect when you’re the happiest.

It truly comes alive when life overwhelms you.

It’s what you know.

It’s what you’ll never understand.

What is it that we really want?

I’m going to challenge you to read that again. Except this time don’t try to figure out what I’m talking about. Throw your assumptions and intentions out and read it again. What is it you’re thinking about when you read these statements? What emotions are being provoked inside of you? Are you mad at the statements? Mad at me for writing them? Are you encouraged? Are you inspired? Are you confused? Read it again. Then read it again. Chances are that many of these statements are a daily occurrence for you. Maybe some of you don’t relate to any of these statements….although I would argue that you are not human. These statements are not to bring you to any conclusions to make you feel good or bad about yourself. I’m only trying to stir up that IT inside of you that you long to have or long to throw away. So read it one more time…..

I sit here today in the midst of one of the toughest times we in America have ever seen. The stock market is plummeting. Our economic future is scary at best. The Presidential Election is on the tip of everyone’s tongue and thoughts with no unification on the horizon. There’s talk of wars, disease, disaster, homelessness, poverty, and recession. Although all these things have been present in our world since the fall of man, why the sudden panic? Why now? Why in the times we live in today is only doom to follow? Are we really to think that because current bad times are affecting us in particular that the certain outcome is the end of the world?

I’m convinced that there is an enemy in this world that wants to consume you with so much worry and anxiety we stop listening to our heart’s cry. We live in a world that drowns out that voice in our hearts that are heard in the beginning statements I made above.

I beg you, just for a minute, close the world off around you. Forget politics. Forget debt. Forget worry. Forget mistakes. Forget war. Forget pride. Forget lust. Forget everything….

Listen. Do you hear it?

I’m telling you that TODAY there is a Savior waiting to rescue you. One who is rich in mercy and love. He longs to restore you. He by no means needs you but wants you more than you know. He made you for His delight and therefore delights in you.

My beginning statements could have been talking about a million different things in our lives. For some of you they are a million different things. But I believe that what you really want and what you desire is Jesus. You may not know Him but He knows you. You may not want Him today but He’s wanted you before you were born. I believe this desire that keeps some of us awake for hours or beckons at our hearts for years is Jesus; for when God created you He did so for His purpose and delight.

So YES…the ITS that you thought of at the beginning could be right on. But the beginning and end of those desires and fears is Christ. Just as any seed is defined as a predetermined vessel that will grow into what it was originally made for, so our creator God created us for His good and perfect will. You were made for a specific purpose; a life meant to be lived out glorifying the Lord in everything you do.

I’m sure for the most part many of you have given your heart to Jesus and have already let him purify you by the blood poured from the cross. Have you also surrendered your will? Surrendered your heart? Have I? Have I surrendered even my thoughts and intentions to him? These are questions you and I all need to answer.

So what do we really want?

If Jesus is your answer than continue to choose Him. Choose Him daily and deny yourself the torment of living outside of Him. If it’s not Jesus then I beg you to examine your life. If you’ve tried everything else in this world and it leads to emptiness when you’re alone then I ask to try one more time….try Jesus. Call on Him and I promise your voice we not land on deaf ears. Get a bible and start reading. Get connected to a church. Ask questions. Get answers. I promise you your life will change forever.

Let us all throw off all that so easily traps us to forget the voice and call to something greater in this life. The greater you desire is Jesus. Surrender to Him and those moments of agonizing questioning and wondering will bring on a whole new meaning. It will drive you to press in to Jesus and embrace the beautiful gift of grace. That heartache you feel when you know there is more is not to condemn you or bring you grief; it is a catalyst positioning you to a realization of the restoration that is attainable only through Jesus Christ. May you fully surrender to the mighty God of all….

...through him also he created the world.

"Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son (Jesus), whom he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also he created the world. He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become as much superior to angels as the name he has inherited is more excellent than theirs."

Hebrews 1:1-4

• Through Jesus, the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, God created the world
  

Jesus is the beginning thought and desire of God. There is nothing in this world that God has created that does not reflect the glory and infinite sovereignty of the Lord. The implications of this statement should revolutionize the way we see Jesus. Before the very foundation of the world Jesus was. Everything that God has done and is currently doing happens through Jesus Christ. Jesus is the perfect picture of the character that is God.

Several years ago I was in Florida traveling with a ministry that did youth camps. One early morning as I awoke from a restless night of sleep I had no desire to get out of bed. I hadn't slept well. I knew how hot it was outside. Worst of all I knew a long and demanding day was ahead of me. Somehow I mustered the strength to get up and take a shower. I don't remember talking to anyone as I got up. It was one of those days where my mind and heart were numb. To be completely honest I had no intentions of trying to change my mood. The only thought that invaded my mind at the time was to get through the day . As the team gathered in the worship center of this facility I found a spot in the back of the group hoping to evade any social talk as my heart had already given up for the day. We were challenged to use the first few minutes of our day to get alone and have a "quiet time". The only quiet time I had in mind was one in my bed with the sheets over my head. Reluctantly I picked up my bible and opened it in hopes that people wouldn't see how much I really didn't want to be doing this right now. I opened the bible and did what any unmotivated christian does...I randomly opened my bible as my way of the Lord "leading me" to read a specific thing. I repeatedly kept hitting books like Obadiah and Zephaniah. After playing this game for several minutes I just happened to open the Bible to Hebrews 12. Since 10 minutes had almost gone by I decided this would be the last opening of the bible for the day so I might as well read a little. Who knew this was a moment God had planned before time was time? The next 20 minutes of my life would be one of the most significant encounters of Jesus that still haunts me to this very day.

These are the words I read:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."

Hebrews 12:1-2

• Through Jesus, the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for joy that was set before him endured the cross. despising the shame, and seated at the right hand of the throne of God, God created the world.

As I tried to imagine what Jesus seated at the right hand of the throne of God looked like, through this revelation of scripture, God gave me a beautiful picture of how his loved, chosen children are seen by him through Jesus. I've struggled these past few years trying to describe this eye-opening vision of the Father's heart on paper.

The vision is this: We are seen only by God as righteous and loved children when Jesus is visibly in the gaze of the Father. When we call on the name of the Lord and ask him to be master and savior of our lives Jesus is then placed in the middle of his vision of us. Through Jesus we are cleansed from all impurity and redeemed by His sacrifice. It is in Jesus and through him that we are given new life.

So with every prayer, every cry, every song, every promise made to God, unless it is through Jesus it is not received. Conversely God does not communicate back to us without Jesus being first in His thought.

So what does all this mean? Why spend so much time explaining the same ideas over and over again? We have to understand the importance of daily seeking the Lord. It is imperative that we draw close to Jesus as the Holy spirit empowers us to know more and more of Jesus everyday. The more we unpack the scripture into our lives the more character of Christ is revealed to us. What is left is a hunger and desire for righteousness that can only be satisfied by Jesus. The answer is Christ. In whatever situation we find ourselves in, whatever circumstances that seem to drive our lives, our only hope is Jesus.

"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation."

Romans 5:1-11

• Through Jesus, the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for joy that was set before him endured the cross. despising the shame, and seated at the right hand of the throne of God, God created the world. Because of this we rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now been reconciled and restored.

So the journey begins....

Every author in some way portrays himself in his works, even if it be against his will. -Goethe


I honestly can't tell you exactly why I started this blog. I could live my entire life without anyone reading anything I wrote or thought. The thought of you reading this, whoever you are, scares me to death. Yet for weeks I have been encouraged more and more from the Lord to write. Writing is natural for me for whatever reason still unseen. It might have to do with the fact that I think about things occasionally.....alright....a LOT. Anyone who is close to me knows that I'm slow to speak. Not because I don't have anything to say rather I have too much to say. I internalize everything and for some strange reason see things as a big picture. Some call this a good trait; I call it bitter curse. So today I'm coming clean to the whole world: I'm a thinker!

The only expectations I have of this blog is to write words that makes sentences that turn into paragraphs. I simply want to get all my thoughts out while at the same time fulfilling my love of writing and communicating. The Lord has put several things on my heart to write about. Everyday its something new and I honestly have not been a good steward of what He has beckoned my heart to write.

The ultimate goal in all this is to glorify the name of Jesus in every word and thought that I write. Any opinions I give from myself is only a mediocre attempt to understand and grasp the character of God. My hope is that you'll stop by everyday and read my latest blog. I don't care if you comment or not. I don't care if you agree or not. I want you to be encouraged and realize that you are not alone in life. We all have the same issues. We all think about the same things. We all have the same doubts.

My heart's cry is that we would fearfully render our hearts and embrace, as Paul states so beautifully in 2 Corinthians 1:2-7:

"...the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort."